Dear No One,

Happy New Year! I’m not really a person that has a resolution every year. A year is a long time and a lot can happen. Just like my 2018.

We started the year off with a bang. January. IVF. Shots. Meds. Hyperstimulation. Delayed embryo transfer.

February. Patience. Or learning about patience. More meds to prep for frozen embryo transfer.

March. Embryo transfer. First positive pregnancy test. EVER!

April-June. Morning sickness (all day). Some fun trips and summer fun with Dax.

July-October. Overall feeling well. Tired. Swollen. Loved watching my belly grow.

November. Baby born 4 weeks early. The rest is a blur.

December. Figuring out life as a family as four.

2018. Another year of growing our family. I am beyond grateful that we had great success with IVF and we welcomed another baby boy in the same year, but it was a personally challenging year. I would do IVF again to get to Pacyn, but it was hard. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.

This was followed by morning sickness where I spent most days on the couch. We watched a lot of Moana. Survival mode.

Honestly, even on my best days, I did not enjoy pregnancy. I’m saying it. I felt so guilty every day feeling that way. I know so many women that would kill to be pregnant. I was one of those women. Like I said, I’m so grateful for the experience, but I did not enjoy it like I thought I would. Pregnancy is hard. It was draining. I felt guilty every day that I couldn’t play with Daxon the way I wanted. And after struggling with fertility, I was constantly in a state of anxiety and fear that something would go wrong.

Then I got preeclampsia and Pacyn came into the world 4 weeks early after a week of feeling miserable, multiple trips to the hospital, and 29 hours from induction to his birth.

We have been working on growing our family since 2014. We are so lucky to have our two boys. But growing our family takes a lot of time, effort, money, emotions, etc.

2018 – You were necessary to become a family of four. I’m grateful to you. You brought me Pacyn. You showed me I am way stronger than I thought. Thank you, but goodbye.

2019 – We are ready to just enjoy our time as a family instead of constantly thinking and working towards “growing” our family. For the first time in five years. I may not have a resolution, but I’m pretty sure we’re going to make this a great one. As a family of four.

All my love,

Betsy