We are ACTIVE!!

August 22, 2016August 22, 2016Leave a comment

Dear No One,

I cannot believe the day is finally here. Our profile is up on the website, our print profiles are being sent to birth mothers, and we are officially an active family!

Now what??

We wait. We wait for a phone call telling us of a potential adoption opportunity with a birth mother.

We have a baby suitcase packed and a to-do list for after the call. We may have weeks after the phone call until the baby is born, or we may have to drop everything and go. We are as prepared as we possibly can be at this point.

There isn’t much to do now besides live our lives as normally as possible and pray for our baby and birth mother.

Check out our profile:

http://www.americanadoptions.com/family_profile/index/fp_id/55193

Thank you everyone for your continued support! We cannot wait to update you when there is a baby!!

All my love,

Betsy

Update

July 24, 2016Leave a comment

Dear No One,

It has been way too long since I wrote! We have been busy, busy this summer. Thought I’d update you on a few things though.

Our home study got approved! This was the last step we needed to complete before we go active. We are still going to wait until after our vacation in August to go active, but we are 4 weeks away now. August 22 will be here before we know it! After that, the real wait begins!
WE ARE MOVING!! Well not for a year, but Marcus got a job after residency. We will be moving to…Ankeny, Iowa! We are so excited. We could not have picked a better job for Marcus or area to raise our family. We will hopefully be moving back as a family of three instead of two. Fingers crossed.

Marcus signing his contract:

3. We have been blown away by the support for our puzzle fundraiser. Here’s what it looks like today:

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Our plan now? Finish up a few things that we can plan for, keep reading and learning about adoption, and try to relax and keep our minds busy.

All my love,

Betsy

Hurry Up and Wait

June 21, 2016Leave a comment

Dear No One,

I haven’t given an update on the adoption in awhile, so I thought I’d fill everybody in on where we are today.

We have finished both our print profile and video that birth moms will look at when deciding what family they want to adopt their child. Here’s a small sneak peak of part of our profile:

We also had our last home study visit a couple weeks ago! What does that mean? We’re done with all of our paperwork!!!

We could go active (have our profile shown to birth mothers) now, but we decided when we started this process we were going to wait until after our family vacation in August. I am focusing on finishing up a practicum class this summer, and we are enjoying our summer and seeing a lot of family and friends before we bring home Baby Hemi.

We did not think we would be done with everything this quickly, although we should have known we’d be done early. I MAY be a little bit of a planner. I MAY have worked on the paperwork every extra second I got. I MAY be impatient and MAY have pushed us to get things done as quickly as possible. “May” being the keyword.

So here we are…2 months until we go active. All the paperwork is done, and I looked at Marcus and said, “Oh my gosh. We could have a baby in a few months. We haven’t even thought about actually preparing for a baby.” Our minds were so consumed with collecting birth certificates, getting physicals, copying financial statements, diving into our past, sharing our personal story with a social worker, writing pages and pages about ourselves for our profile that we didn’t have time to actually plan or think about having a baby.

So what did we do? We bought a crib (yep, I cried on the way home), we painted the nursery (cried when we bought the paint), and ordered new carpet for the baby room. BABY ROOM! That feels so weird to say.

Just in case you want to see my 17 year old paint clothes…

Anyway, we are done with our paperwork, which is a huge step! Once we go active in August, it could happen in a week. It could happen in a year. It will be completely out of our hands. Until then, we are preparing for what we will need immediately and trying to keep ourselves busy.

Thanks to everyone for all your support! I never dreamed our baby would be so loved by so many different people. We have received so many blessings, in so many ways, that God is making it hard to ignore the signs that we are getting so close to bringing home Baby Hemi, and He is looking out for our baby already.

All my love,

Betsy

I Challenge You

June 13, 20163 Comments

It’s been awhile since I addressed infertility. Even if I’m not talking about it, though, I feel it every day. I know we are adopting, and I could not be more sure that is the right thing for us right now. But the pain of not having a baby, whether biologically or from adoption, is always there.

My husband is working nights right now. Maybe that makes me extra emotional because I spend a lot of time alone, but anyone who knows me well, knows I’m a crier.

It’s funny how I’ll be fine for days and then something so small unleashes all of my emotions again.

I was at a wedding this weekend, and I was watching a beautiful, little boy all day. I couldn’t stop looking at him. I was even the creepy, infertile woman staring at him as he played on the playground outside of the reception. Luckily, his mother is one of my friends, so no one called the cops on me.

There was a big group of us dancing, and he was the life of the party. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a happier two year old breaking it down on the dance floor. I watched as his parents knelt down next to him, showing him different moves. He could instantly pick up the new moves and imitate his parents. It was in that moment that I looked at his mother and said, “You are so blessed.”

Instantly, it hit me. There it was again. PUNCH to the gut. I walked out of the reception hall as fast as I could in my four inch heels, but I couldn’t keep back my tears.

Jealousy. Love. Happiness. Guilt. Sadness. Anxiety. Fear. Hope. Anger. Embarrassment.

There are no word to fully explain the emotion I felt. I was so truly happy for my friend. They are amazing parents and are raising a beautiful son. Yet I felt every other emotion times a thousand.

So here I am, in a puddle of my emotions, trying to get through the night to celebrate my friend’s beautiful (and HOT!) wedding day. I did not and never do want to make it about me. That is where the embarrassment comes from. No one wants to break down crying in public. That’s what bedrooms are for, but I could not control it.

Yet in my own sad, selfish mourning for the baby I do not have yet, I found something so beautiful. People took time out of their night to listen to me, to hold my hand, to cry with me, to give me a shoulder to cry on. I never, NEVER, would have expected to be comforted by people who have not been through this same struggle. Yet there they were.

I woke up this morning with an emotional hangover, but I felt one more emotion. I was grateful. Grateful that I have a husband who has never given up on me. Grateful for the friends I have made through this struggle. Grateful for the ability to spread awareness about infertility. Grateful for being one day closer to bringing home our babe. Grateful for people who showed me it’s okay to feel. Grateful.

In a world surrounded in ugly, a world where a singer is shot while meeting her fans, a world where people are murdered in a night club, a world where a child gets cancer TWICE, a world where a person will spend most of their life without both of their parents, a world where a couple will never have a biological child, we need a reminder that there is good. There are so many things to be grateful for. If you can’t find something to be grateful for, go do something for someone else. You’ll be amazed at the results.

I am asking you, begging you, to put aside the drama, let go of the anger and just show love and respect for others. Find things to be grateful for and give other people something to smile about. It is just as easy to be kind than it is to be mean. So as I challenge myself, I challenge you, be a better person today than you were yesterday.

Missing Piece Fundraiser

May 26, 2016Leave a comment

Adoption is expensive. We are incredibly fortunate and grateful, though, for the ability to pay for a lot of it, but we still need some help bringing home Baby Hemi. We also know some people want to help but don’t know how. Here’s your opportunity.

We designed a 500 piece puzzle for the baby’s nursery. You can buy one piece for $10, and we will write your name on the back of the piece. You can also buy multiple pieces (e.g. 2=$20, 5=$50), and we can write your name on all of the pieces or a small message to our baby.

Here is the puzzle put together:

Once the puzzle is complete, we will hang it in the nursery with a double sided glass frame. Our dream is to someday talk to our child about the meaningful words on the front as we teach him or her what it means to be adopted. Then we can flip over the frame and talk about all the wonderful people in their life that helped bring them home.

There is no pressure to donate. We know we have so much support and love for this baby already, and we love our growing support system! If you feel like you want to be a part of the puzzle, though, you can donate at:

https://www.youcaring.com/marcus-betsy-hemesath-573982

In the message section, you can write the name(s) you want on the puzzle or a message if you buy multiple pieces. Also, the website automatically suggests a one dollar donation to their site as they let us use their site for our fundraiser for free. You can simply click the link ($1.00 to YouCaring) to change it to $0.

Thank you in advance for helping us bring home our missing piece! You will forever hold a very special place in our hearts.

When you…

May 14, 20162 Comments

When your dog throws up during your home study….you quickly grab a towel, scoop it up, take it to the laundry room, and act like nothing happened. Yes that happened. Luckily, our social worker is awesome and was very understanding. She said, “Someday it will be babies, not dogs, throwing up!”

When you start the day just looking for carpet for the nursery…you end up at a baby store looking at cribs. Wait…that doesn’t happen to everyone? Weird.

When you and your husband cannot make a decision on carpet or nursery colors…you realize you already want the best for your child, and I can’t imagine how we’ll ever make any serious decisions in the future.

When you walk into a baby store and you are the only one without a bump…you quickly explain that you are adopting and not buying cribs a month into your pregnancy. OR eat a bigger lunch and grab my belly a lot. I went with the former.

When you cry at every gift you receive, card you get, picking out paint colors for the nursery…you realize it does not take pregnancy to be crazy hormonal.

Getting closer every day to bringing home our babe!

Mother’s Day…Again

May 8, 2016May 8, 2016Leave a comment

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Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers out there! You have the hardest and most important job in my opinion. You love unconditionally. You make sacrifices every day that go unnoticed. You think you are failing from time to time. You question your decisions. That’s what makes you a good mom. You question everything to make sure they have everything they need to succeed in life. Remember that no one can replace the love you have for your child. You are doing an amazing job, and today is to celebrate you!

This holiday, though, can be brutal. Nothing like a national holiday to slap you across the face and remind you of what you don’t have. Many women can no longer pick up the phone and call their mom. I am extremely grateful that Marcus and I get to spend today with our beautiful mothers. Some women held their child in their arms at one point and now only hold memories, a tragedy I hope to never experience. Other women long to hold their own child instead of the pain of not being able to conceive. This holiday should also remember all these women and their strength as they go through the impossible.

Last year on this day, I sat in church with my family and cried through the entire service. We had just found out that it would be six months to a year before we would even know if our efforts were successful and if we would be able to conceive naturally. We recently found out that we will not, but we are in a much better place now.

Someone asked me the other day, “Do you think you’ll be a mom by next Mother’s Day?” I truly believe I already am a mom. We are just working a little harder to bring home our baby.

So today I am celebrating every woman, mother or not. Whether this is a big celebration or just another reminder of the pain you carry, I admire you all for your strength and sacrifices.

Domestic? International?

May 3, 20162 Comments

I thought I might clear up some more questions you might have…

We did a lot of research on both international and domestic adoptions. We actually thought we would do international at first, but we ended up deciding on domestic adoption for multiple reasons.

The next step was finding an agency. We found through our research that working with a local agency would be difficult if we moved in the middle (like we most likely will be doing). Therefore, we decided on a national agency that can move with us.

What does that mean for us? Our baby could be born in any state! Once we are notified that our baby was born or is on the way, we will leave within 24 hours to wherever the baby is born. What a whirlwind those few days will be!

Then at least one of us will have to stay in the state with the baby for two to three weeks until the state clears us to leave and our state clears us to enter with the baby. This means the first couple weeks of our baby’s life will be spent in a hotel room. It will just add to the crazy adventure we are already on! Also, anything is possible with adoption, so we don’t really know what our experience with look like until we are in it.

So where are we now in the process? We are working on our profile for birth mothers to look at and preparing for our first home study visit tomorrow! We are what they call “paper pregnant.” Lots and lots of paperwork!!

Once our profile is done and we finish the home study, we will go “active.” This means that birth mothers will be shown our profile among others to choose which family they want to adopt their child. We hope to go active in July or August. Then it is out of our hands. Let go and let God!

That’s all for now. I should probably get off the computer and clean the house up a little for the home visit tomorrow. Thanks for checking in!

Why are we adopting?

April 30, 20162 Comments

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The question many of you may have. Or maybe you are wondering how we came to the decision to adopt.

Let me start by saying that I love and appreciate all the support we have gotten in the last week. Marcus and I are in a great place now. That is why I am reaching out and sharing our story. I am sharing so other women are not so alone through the process of trying to have a baby. So many women have reached out to me, and it is heartbreaking to hear so many women’s stories of their struggles to get pregnant. You are all so brave to reach out, and I want you all to know I am here for anything you need. If I make some good friends through this process, at least there will be a good thing that came from infertility.

Marcus and I have always wanted to adopt. It has always been part of the plan. I had a dream (yes, really. I had a dream) that we were picking up our daughter we adopted from the airport. I know that is not how it works anymore, but I can’t control my dreams. My high school principal was also the person who brought the baby off the plane to us. Not exactly realistic, but it felt so real to me.

Anyway, I woke Marcus up in the middle of the night. The feeling I had when our baby was handed to us was nothing like anything I had felt before. I woke up, and I couldn’t get rid of the feeling. I had to share it with Marcus. I’m not even sure he was awake. There was a “hmm” and “weird” before he fell back to sleep.

I spent the rest of the night googling adoption. I spent the next couple weeks researching adoption. I knew it was the right thing. Marcus agreed. As we kept talking about it, it made so much sense. Here’s why:

We have always wanted to adopt!
We did not think we were emotionally ready to go through IUI or IVF and have it fail.
We will most likely be moving in another year. We did not want to start the process of fertility treatments in St. Louis and have to switch doctors/facilities/medical insurance etc. in the middle.
We have always seen ourselves having a big family. My awesome sister sent me a link to a blog talking about the benefits to adopting first. It makes so much sense to a child development person like me! http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2015/11/always-thought-about-adopting-heres-why.html#ixzz3r1owOdx5
We believe everything happens for a reason. We know our baby is out there. We just have to be patient as God is the only one who knows our plan.

That’s why we’re adopting. We are not broken. We are so ready for this. We did not make this decision lightly, and we know Baby Hemi will be so, so loved.

3 Year Anniversary

April 27, 2016Leave a comment

Wedding

Married for 3 years! Boom. (I’m still perfecting my high kick.)

It already hasn’t been easy, but there is no other man I want by my side. I adore him. His strength. His ability to make me laugh. He gets me like no one else does. And he has stuck with me through the highs and lows. I cannot wait to see this man as a father.

Just wanted to write a quick note before we go celebrate! And show off my present…

We’re coming for you Baby Hemi!