by Rosie Fitzgerald

3 rounds of IUIs, 5 full rounds of IVF, one frozen transfer, countless shots, seemingly endless tears of heartbreak, but it led to two amazing miracles that have changed my life forever. I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Infertility. Just the word breaks my heart because I know the struggle, pain and absolute despair infertility causes. My husband and I were anxious to start our family, both of us knew children were in our future, we always talked about having 2 or 3. But as time went by, month after month nothing was happening. We scheduled our first appointment with our infertility doctor, went through all the tests only to determine nothing was wrong, there was no cause for our infertility. Some may think this would be a relief, but if there was a problem we could fix it and hopefully get pregnant. We started fertility treatments. At that time I knew no one (or so I thought) that was struggling to get pregnant or had to go through fertility treatments. No one talked about it, that is part of the reason infertility is so isolating. My husband and I believe in sharing our story, so that others hopefully will not feel so alone.

After 3 failed IUIs and 2 full rounds of IVF, we became pregnant with twins. We were beyond excited and could not wait. Hearing both of those heartbeats will forever be a moment seared into my memory, it was one of the most happiest moments of my life. Unfortunately at 11 weeks, we lost one of our babies. They call it vanishing twin, I was broken. We had heard both of our babies heartbeats on two separate occasions by that time. I felt like I failed my baby. People told me to be happy for the one I had, but that just upset me more. I needed to mourn the loss, but that also made me feel guilty for not just being happy for the baby I did have. But eight months later we gave birth to a healthy boy that amazes me every day. He is loving, spirited, funny and smart all round and an energetic little boy.

We knew we wanted a sibling for our son, so again started back at fertility treatments. A frozen transfer, and two more full rounds of IVF later, we had one 5 day embryo that had not even developed to the standard stage to be graded. We transferred that underdeveloped embryo but had no hope of it actually developing. That will be the last time I ever underestimate my daughter! We were blown away to get the call telling us we were pregnant. We now have a healthy 4 month old daughter who is full of smiles, coos and absolutely adores her brother.

Infertility changes you. It takes you on a ride you do not want to be on. You try to have hope, when it feels hopeless. But I would go through it all again for my two IVF miracles. They made every tear, heartbreak, shot, procedure worth every bit of it.

For those battling infertility now, try to keep the hope, lean on your spouse, give yourself some grace as you go through this, let yourself process every feeling. This is such a hard journey to be on, but you are strong and amazing. I hope your miracles come to you soon.