Dear No One,

As we move farther into this pregnancy, I realize my concern for my two boys grows every day.

Yes I am feeling the sadness of thinking about it not being just Dax and me all day, every day. We have such a deep attachment to one another, I can hardly imagine having that with another child. I know every mother with more than one child can and has reassured me that I will instantly feel my heart grow, and I’ll love our new life as a family of four. While this is on my heart a lot, it’s really not what’s been troubling me.

Daxon was adopted. We all know that. We openly talk about it and his birth parents. We will continue to talk about it with him as it is part of his story. But then I already hear myself and everyone around me talking about our second son’s genetics. For example, our sweet baby boy is measuring a week ahead right now. The ultrasound technician told us he has “very skinny, long feet” and will be “very tall”…”just like his Daddy.”

Somehow I felt very torn at these words. “Just. Like. His. Daddy.” Daxon will never hear that when it comes to his looks. At first, I thought, “we shouldn’t say stuff like that. It’ll be hard for Dax to hear.” Then I thought, “Well it’s not fair to our second son to not talk about where he comes from.” There I felt it. Split between my son who was adopted and biological son.

Honestly, I hate even admitting that out loud. I don’t think of them as my “son who was adopted” and “biological son.” They are my sons. But either way, doesn’t every mother worry about every little thing when it comes to their children. I’m normal, right?? Right?! (Normal may not be the word most of my family would use to describe me.) But I’m going with normal in this situation.

Anyway, as hard as that is for me to admit, I took time to talk myself through it. And here’s what I came up with. Daxon won’t hear about his physical attributes matching with ours, but he will (and already does!) hear about how he looks like his birth parents. That’s just the truth. Our second son will hear about how he looks like us. Also just part of his story. They will both hear how they DO or SAY things “just like Daddy.” They will both be loved. By us. Unconditionally. For the rest of their lives. (Like it or not, I’m not going anywhere. Hope they find me future daughter-in-laws that also want me around…a lot!)

I guess what I realized is that it’s okay. Daxon may ask questions or feel sad someday when random people tell us “how tall our boys will be” or when he hears how his brother looks just like his Daddy. But we will be there to answer questions and use those opportunities to teach him even more about adoption and his story. It is okay. These boys will never think of each other as “my adopted brother” or “the biological brother”. They will be brothers. Just brothers. They will learn what it means to protect each other and respect each other’s stories.

Adoption is part of our family. IVF is a part of our family. We are a beautiful mix, and they will both hear about how hard we worked to get to them. My boys. My sweet Mama’s boys. Forever.

All my love,

Betsy