5 Years

April 27, 20181 Comment

Dear Marcus,

Happy fifth anniversary! There is nowhere I’d rather be today than spending time with you and Daxon at home. Although five years ago was one of my favorite days ever.

We both know, though, that five years didn’t come without challenges. I find it ironic that our anniversary falls during National Infertility Awareness Week as our infertility has been our biggest challenge the last four years.

While five years doesn’t seem like much to others, the growth we have made is immeasurable. You know when I’m getting hangry before I even do, and you know I am not capable of making decisions (big or small) when I get like that. You understand my (somewhat large) emotions. You know me. You understand me sometimes more than I understand myself. And I am a complicated person, so that is saying a lot.

We are not the people we were five years ago because we have grown. Together. We could have just as easily grown apart. But you have shown me that we are better together. We are stronger together. It may not all be “Instagram perfection,” but I think our growth has come from those not-so-perfect moments.

Thank you for standing by me. Every day. Through everything. I’m not sure there is anyone else in this world that could love and forgive me as easily and beautifully as you do.

I feel like this is really just the beginning of some of the best years of our lives. I can’t wait to watch our family grow and enjoy our crazy, chaotic, amazing life. Together.

All my love,

Betsy

NIAW: Take Back Your Story

April 25, 2018April 25, 2018Leave a comment

Dear No One,

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. Although 1 in 8 couples experience infertility, it is still isolating. And you soon find it taking over your entire life.

You start planning around ovulation. Trying to be as healthy as possible (just in case!) you get pregnant. You fall into a depression and believe a baby is the only thing that can bring you joy. With IVF, our lives were quickly consumed with doctor appointments, shots, procedures, tests.

Before we even started IVF, Marcus requested a week off over our 5 year anniversary, which happens to be this week. We weren’t sure what we would do or where we would go, but we wanted a vacation away with just the two of us.

Well I had assumed we would do the transfer immediately after our egg retrieval in January, but my body had other plans. Our transfer was pushed back 6-8 weeks into March.

I struggled with being patient and having to wait. One day, I broke down to Marcus. How could we plan the trip in April? What if we were newly pregnant and I didn’t feel good? What if it didn’t work, and we were prepping for another transfer? How would I deal with shots while traveling? What if we were just too broken to enjoy a trip?

We decided, on that day, to stop letting infertility control every moment of our lives. Let’s just plan a trip! Let’s do it. No matter where we are or what we’re doing in the process of IVF, we decided we would need a break anyway.

Now that I’m sitting here next to the pool, in 90 degree weather, next to my stud muffin of a husband, I am so glad we did this. Yes, I don’t feel great. (Marcus is enjoying most of my meals that I order.) Yes, I have to do shots every evening. But I am so grateful to take a step away from our daily routine to simply be together and enjoy ourselves. And take in the beauty around us.

Infertility can consume you. There are reminders everywhere of the pain you carry. Whether you just need to find a support group or take a timeout from trying to conceive or need a whole vacation away from “real life,” do it. Remember the life you had before infertility. Take time to realize there is more to enjoy than just building your family. Take back your story.

With that said, never give up. Your family may not look exactly like what you planned. Every step will be hard. Infertility will change you. Let it. But don’t let it take your life away.

To all my infertility warriors, you are stronger than you think. I hope this week brings light to the darkness of infertility by showing us all that we are not alone.

All my love,

Betsy

IVF Video

April 18, 2018April 18, 2018Leave a comment

Dear No One,

Here’s a little video of our IVF journey. For those of you still struggling, I know what pregnancy announcements can do to you. Just know, I have been there. I am praying every day for you all to grow your families, and that our journey may give you some hope.

All my love,

Betsy