Dear No One,

This day hits home for a lot of people. Whether you had a miscarriage or held your infant in your arms for a short time, today we remember every baby that didn’t make it. And we remember their parents. That they need ongoing love and support. 

This day holds a lot of weight for me. We have never had a miscarriage. We haven’t lost an infant. Because we’ve never been pregnant before. That, to me, is just as much a loss. So I am also thinking of every woman who has never gotten to experience the high of a positive pregnancy test and the loss you feel every month. 

Yet I have an even bigger tug in my heart today. Last year we had a failed adoption opportunity. That baby was born on October 15. National Infant Loss Day. Ironic, huh? While I know that baby was not meant to be ours, and I can’t imagine any other child but Daxon, it doesn’t take away the pain we went through last year. The huge loss we felt. Sitting with packed bags. Waiting for a call to leave. To never hear anything. Nothing. Confused and feeling even more broken. 

What did we do? We took a day to grieve. Grieve the loss of that child. Then on October 17 we went back on the list as a waiting family. Not even 2 weeks later, we were matched with Daxon’s birth family. 

We allowed ourselves to feel our pain. Deal with our loss. Then kept moving forward. 

If you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage or lost a child, reach out to them. Not just today. Today may be the national day to raise awareness, but there isn’t a day that goes by they don’t think about that loss. They don’t need you to fix anything. Just a quick note to let them know you are thinking of them. Let them know they aren’t alone. 

I know if you are in the middle of infertility or adopting, it is hard to see any light at the end of that long, dark tunnel. Allow yourselves to feel your pain. Grieve your losses. But never stop moving forward. You may not see the light yet, but it is coming. Hold on. 

Our failed adoption opportunity was on National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day, but our son was born on National Adoption Day. How’s that for “meant to be?”

You are all in my heart today and every day. 

All my love,

Betsy